What scares me most about my mom´s cancer is this: that she might die before she´s finished her job. I felt insufficiently mothered as a child and even now (I´m fifty!) part of me keeps hoping she´s going to tuck me in and bring me my blankie. I don´t want her to leave and force me to give up by fantasy of being totally and unconditionally nurtured, protected, and affirmed. I don´t want to grow up.